Today=Mom FAIL

Don't let this sweet face fool you.  This was on Tuesday---before he turned on me!

Today was a true test of my patience.  And I feel like I failed as a mom.  Miserably.  Yesterday, Max started being VERY fussy anytime I put him down.  And today, it was 100X worse.  When I was holding him or sitting with him, he was perfectly smiley and happy.  We would play and laugh together, and he was in a great mood.  If I took even two steps away from him, he started SCREAMING and crying.  It was SO sad.  Usually I can leave him for a few minutes to play on his playmat or in the exersaucer by himself while I throw in a load of laundry or make myself some breakfast.  Today that just wasn't happening.  I couldn't even go to the bathroom by myself.  (No, really.  I laid him on the floor of the bathroom while I peed.)

Since he was inconsolable, I tried getting him to nap in his crib this morning.  This is something he has been refusing to do, and I've been attempting it every day this week without success.  I figured that if he was miserable anyway, I might as well try again today.  He screamed for 20 minutes, and I couldn't take it anymore.  As soon as I picked him up, he fell right asleep in my arms.  I tried to put him back down, and he woke up, eyes wide open--screaming.  That was the end of it.  And then he was overtired, upset, and still hadn't taken a nap.

At one point today, I put him on the floor in the dining room (where he could still clearly see me in the kitchen) so that I could wash a few dishes.  He started crying hysterically.  So, what did I do?  I started doing the same--right there at the kitchen sink.  I had a meltdown right along with him.  And then I sat down with him and we finished our cry together.  And, I think he felt better.  But I did not.

At 5:00, he showed signs that he was tired, and this is typically when he takes his last nap of the day.  So, I brought him upstairs, rocked him, and put him in his crib when he was drowsy.  Eyes shot wide open and he let out a wail like I was torturing him.  At this point, I needed to step away.  I've been alone with him all day, and I just needed a five minute break.  I left him in the crib-screaming.  And I finally took a shower.  A shower I had been trying to take since 7:00 this morning.  I had the monitor in the bathroom so I could keep checking on him, and even the water from the shower couldn't drown out the wailing coming from the nursery.  But, at least my hair is now clean.

When I got out of the shower, I raced down to the kitchen in my towel, grabbed the first bottle of wine I pulled out of the wine fridge, and poured myself a big glass.  Then, I went back upstairs, pulled him out of the crib, calmed him down, and we cuddled together in bed with my glass of wine.  I followed with 2 more glasses.  And a big bowl of ice cream.

Now he is finally asleep for the night (I hope), and I REALLY hope that tomorrow is a better day.

I know that you can't "spoil" a baby.  He is very attached to me (which I am okay with), but I want  him to be a little independent too.  I've tried talking to him as I walk away and continued to talk to him from the next room, coming back to reassure him that I'm still there.....You name it--I've probably tried it.  We have lots of other baby friends his age, and most of them can be left for short periods of time to play on their own.  Their moms are able to clean their houses, make dinner, and do laundry.  I can't get anything done.  

How do I help him learn how to play on his own?  Have your babies shown this "separation anxiety" at this age?  

Ok, I'm off to finish my glass and head to bed.  Sweet dreams!